The Pros and Cons of the Atkins Diet

Pros

1. A profound sense of wellbeing, at least after the first 7 days. Prior to embarking on this diet I had been experiencing serious mood swings that were affecting my home and work life. I haven't felt this happy all year. Things that used to wind me up aren't winding me up anymore. 

2. Reduced appetite. Takes a few days to kick in, granted. You might need all the willpower you can muster until it happens, but it's worth the effort. No longer being a slave to food can give you such a natural buzz. Slightly anorexic behaviour perhaps. With added cheese.

3. Cheese. Pretty liberal amounts of cheese. When I first did Atkins and didn't read the book properly I practically lived off cheese. But that's OK. I have a vegetarian friend that dips in and out of Atkins - she can eat as much cheese as she likes! 

4. A (nearly) full English every day. Bacon, eggs, mushrooms, sausage (within reason). Every single day. Hard to get sick of that.

5. Cauliflower mash and pizza crust. Now hear me out. Pureed cauliflower mixed with sour cream, butter and cheese makes for an excellent mashed potato substitute. Just ask anyone on the Internet. 

6. Drinking chocolate with cream. This is the only diet where you can sort of get away with this - only something like 10 carbs in it. Be warned though - it is possible to consume 800 calories in about 30 seconds this way, wouldn't recommend consuming it every day!

7. The curious satisfaction that comes with weeing on a stick and watching it turn pink.

8. Oh, and the actual weight loss. If you're obese, and if you're doing the diet right, generally you'll lose at  least 10lb during induction.

Cons

1. The whole Detox element. It's gonna hurt. If you follow the diet to the letter and give up starch, sugar, caffeine and dodgy sweeteners all at once it's going to be like the 8th level of hell for a while. It's called induction flu. Some sources say pamper yourself to help ride it out. I just had a Shameless marathon.

2. Sometimes you try really hard, avoid all the bread and pasta and rice and potatoes and all, and still don't lose weight. You find yourself fixating on "cheating" with chewing gum and cups of tea and cans of diet coke. No normal diet does that to people. Gum shouldn't make you gain weight, but apparently the sugar alcohols in it can cause sensitive people to stall.

3. All the time you have to spend in the kitchen. The food prep eats into your time. You can no longer just grab something on the fly. But just grabbing things is part of the reason why I got so fat in the first place. I'm spending about 1.5 hours a day in the kitchen at the moment, which isn't so bad if you enjoy cooking, and I do.

4. No booze. That takes some getting used to, but again, that's why I got so fat in the first place.

5. People think you're absolutely mental, with your numerous lunch boxes, denial of all normal foods and abstinence from alcohol. Why can't you have fruit? It's just one biscuit. It's just a crisp. Why aren't you drinking? Well I'm a pregnant alcoholic on antibiotics and I'm driving. Does that sound better than "I'm on Atkins"? I don't know. But remember it's nobody's business what you eat or drink. I've found people really aren't that bothered after they've asked you once. They'll soon be wrapped up in their own lives again. Took me a while to realise, but the world doesn't revolve around me.

6. And again, people think you're mental. It's all very ritualistic in the beginning - special breakfast, special lunch, special dinner. But it's no different to anyone else who's on a diet, they're just as mental.

7. No bread :( Worst of all...

8. NO BAKED BEANS. I usually eat baked beans with everything. Now cauliflower is the new baked beans. You heard it here first. Tell your kids.

9. (sorry) Constipation. Oddly on day 2 of my last foray into Atkins I had an alarming bout of diarrhoea up a mountain. Really odd. But yeah, expect bowel havoc for a while until your body grasps what you're up to.

10. Smelly breath. Oh boy oh boy. Just keep drinking water and you should be fine.

11. What with all the fresh meat and vegetables you consume as part of your new healthy lifestyle, it costs a shitload of money.

12. And finally, people think you're mental. Get used to it, you're going to be a bit of a weirdo for a while.  A thinner weirdo. Good luck!